her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize