is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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