Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
