Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
