Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
