Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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