You just made me feel so damn special
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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