All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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