im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
