benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
