Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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