So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
