youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
