You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
