Don't you send me to vm
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
