Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
