I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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