I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
