She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
