there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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