You made me cry and you don't even care
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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