Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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