Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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