Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize