You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize