Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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