I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
