Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
