we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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