ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize