I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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