I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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