ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
