I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize