He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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