Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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