I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
