Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
