Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
