OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So squirting runs in the family.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
