obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
