Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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