i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
