You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize