...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
