I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
