This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
