I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
