When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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