you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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