go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize