Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
