she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
