I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
