I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
one might say we're banned from that church
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize