I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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