What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
