i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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