You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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