Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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