I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
