saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize