White coat. Heels.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
