an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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