The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
