Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
