if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
