He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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