Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
