Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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