Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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