Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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