I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
