So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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