the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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