I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
