8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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