Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
