A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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