dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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