but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
