Can i not drive my cunt home
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
