If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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